Tuesday, November 16, 2010

wavering faith...

there's a God that sees
all things far and wide
the priest said we are His
so we all must go, abide.

we are His, 'grew up on that
He'll not forsake or leave you flat
He'll take care of everything
Just believe and put your faith in Him

Belief, how do you measure?
Have Faith, that's your treasure
Is it enough that you do good?
Is that a ticket for endless food?

They say, "be happy when times are bad
It's when God loves you most, be glad
The tests and trials can't be all bad"
Although right now, they make me sad...

the little girl in me

the little girl in me
never grew up at all
i still dream of a doll house
complete with furnishings and all

i like them with all the trimmings
from the floor up to the ceiling
drapes and curtains and appliances
and other electrical devices

as a girl, 'never had my own bedroom
growing up, there wasn't much change
create my own corner, there was no room
in my dreams, was all I can manage

these days, pictures I see on the net
give me the happiness I can get
someday, before my time is up, i can see
someone will make the little girl in me, happy

my white-haired angel

-------my white-haired angel-----------feb06

Today a white-haired angel passed me by
and asked, "my fair lady, why did you cry?"
"A butterfly bit me", I told him a lie
"Butterflies don't bite!", "that, I wouldn't buy"

So I said, "Okay, listen to my story.
Then answer my questions, though they may sound gory"
He listened intently, albeit so patiently
Then scolded me briefly and said "I'm sorry"

I asked, "You're sorry?" with a little puzzled look
"You've made a mess of your life, look how many years it took"
I said "that's alright, now what really matters,
is that I have fled and escaped, soon nothing can bother".

"Don't rest on your laurels, it is too soon to tell,
that you have escaped unscathed, watch out for the bell!"
"Is there peace in your heart now, is everything well?
Until that happens, then the flowers, you can smell"

My dear white -haired angel, I know your name is WOLFIE
Weathered by experience, pain tears and glory
This childlike heart of mine, will forever hold you dearly"
In your heart of hearts, please, oh please, always keep Jeanie.

Let Go

a dear friend was hurt at work today
the boss gave her the "sack",
it seems he's unhappy the way she works
and said comments behind her back.

she had known about it from a friend,
and was getting worried for weeks now,
she wished he'd stop his bickering,
and instead talk to her, tell her how.

it went unnoticed, so it seemed,
her lapses, she thought, weren't so bad,
days passed without them arguing,
she thought "it's now okay, I'm glad".

so when today he called her in,
to his office she nervously went,
his face looked grim with teeth gritted in,
"after this," in her mind, "I'll be spent".

Indeed, he wasn't at all happy,
and right away told her so,
he used ugly words -- the kind that hurt,
why he had to, she didn't know.

the words did hurt, said without tact,
she burst and her heart sank,
the hearsays he did not retract,
when he confirmed it, her mind went blank.

there wasn't anything left to do,
but cry and run away ,
he wasn't forgiving --that she knew,
she decided to leave from today.

so many pains caused by unforgiveness,
could have been avoided if we try,
no one is worth more, as no one is worth less,
we are all equal, that's why.

my friend's heart is in sorrow I'm sure,
so sad...........made mad....... i know,
for all of these , there is a cure,
forgive........... forget............... let go.

from my camera's eye

blue worm?
green worm?
neon worms....

simple lights


in the floor

green jade
blue sapphire

from my camera's eye:
when I am in motion

when i stare straight down

awesome trick

took away my boredom

for a while......

The Dream

Many years ago I had a dream,
it was vague as what most dreams are,
in it I was floating in a stream,
in a small boat sailing afar.

the water was quiet, very calm, very still,
All I could see were gentle ripples,
The sun was high up like a big burning wheel,
Searing hot, I felt there was triple.

On the riverbank stood a little girl crying,
I was looking at her with a sigh,
I cannot deny, I know there is nothing,
I can do to hush her cries.

As the boat sailed farther in my dreams it was clear,
the little girl was no longer there,
When I tried to look a little bit harder,
I found out, who stood there, was my mother.

As dreams are unusual the next scene I saw,
was my mother in her white wedding dress,
but as I got closer, behold and lo!
she's in a hospital gown feeling distressed!

As the scene changed in the blink of an eye,
I was not anymore in the river,
Instead I was there as a 3 year old girl,
On a tiptoe, beside the bed of my mother.

A baby in a crib , laying calm and still,
caught my attention and made me wonder,
in a brief little second it was already clear,
he was my dearest newborn brother.

and then in an instant, the scenes flashed quickly,
one by one, they changed before my eyes,
she, my mother was in pain, undoubtedly,
and my father was hushing her cries.

then there were bright lights and there was a bier,
What I saw I could never forget,
She laid calmly and coldly right there in the center,
Flowers all around, everyone wept.

For so many years I dreamed the same dream,
but never quite understood what it meant,
now that I am older and added more years,
I think the message is now clearly sent.

As a three year old girl I could hardly remember,
as much as I would have wanted to,
These scenes were just all I could put together,
in reality, in dreams, through and through.

These are all but the memories I have of my mother,
Though I try to recall more, I fail,
All other things simply fade beyond wonder,
Couldn't do more, even if I cry and wail.

Until these days, this dream still comes by,
I have memorized it by heart,
Dear Mother I blow a kiss and a smile,
Forever you'll be here, though apart.

Tears are Gems

Today I sat and pondered
about things I did and still do.
I thought about life and dreams
and wondered why I'm blue.

I came to know a simple truth
that's been there all along.
I learned that life is all about
being hopeful and being strong.

The hope you have inside your heart
will carry you through life.
The strength and will of body and mind
will counter all the strife.

At times I feel blue and I cry
and think all hope is gone.
But then I look again and find
that tears are gems that shine.

let go and let yourself a good cry
it washes over your soul,
when grief is gone and tears run dry
you're again ready for the goal.

Will I sit again and ponder
about life and what makes it blue?
Perhaps I will and now I know
it's a phase we all go through.

Monday, November 15, 2010

undoing the dreams

what's the use of dreaming
when you know they can't come true
will it change the way the world's spinning
when you're sad and feeling blue

what's the use of looking
when you know there's no one there to find?
you've found, you've lost, it's all the same
even worse than "out of sight, out of mind"

what's the use of crying
over relationships what won't be real?
they start virtual, they end virtual
somehow i know things are not on even keel

what's the use of dreaming
of a life shared with a beau?
not yet ready, may never be
all the dreams, to the wind, I throw....

aling dionisia, kumusta ka?

The lady is having fun.
Let her.

Love her or hate her.

Amused? Annoyed?


She's a welcome respite
from the Hayden-Halili craze.
Twit*er, Fezbook, Frndstr,

she's all over the place!

a debutante at 60
she'll dance till 90
a diamond-studded R*olex

does it make her complex?

'gotta love the boxer
'gotta love his mother
what about the father?
I don't know, ask her!

your royal highness

YRH, sitting on a throne
in your tiny kingdom
watching over what you think
is your dominion

YRH did you get upset today?
did anyone ruin your day?
was your self-esteem taken away?
the offender, do you want to slay?

conceited language
uttered by vile lips
a mind cloaked by false knowledge
heading for the kill, a carnage

a quick judgment
handed from your pedestal
high up there, your portal
you think it's made of crystal?

not all days are sunny
not all days are bright
sometimes you must give in to reality
that you are not always right

your mind hides hypocrisy
you judge quickly, that's scary
it's a biased judgment, you fool!
of yourself, i think you're full.

the rainbows in my mind

color is life,
rainbow is hope,

darkness is strife,
pretend is sugar-coat

one moment when i looked
everything's drab and gray
a split second is what it took
all around me, a rainbow display

hope...it filled me
fear...it left me
today is a new day
help is on the way


done chasing dreams
dreams are not for me
done chasing rainbows
hope, I cannot see

live a day at a time
easier, with no expectations
tomorrow the sun will shine
night and day,that's rotation

numb, that's how I feel
nothing surprises me anymore
happiness, will it come still?
I don't give a damn, that's for sure!

broken dreams and broken hopes
they don't mend, they leave you broke
a hopeful heart conquers all slopes
No, no at all, it's all a joke!

isn't it a contradiction?

A long distance relationship is uplifting
but it can dampen your spirits as well
it can make you feel heavenly,
yet other times, lonely as hell

you can see roses and willows
and a rainbow long after its gone
other times you see dark clouds
even when in the sky you can see the sun

not only the birds sing
when your spirits are up on a swing
yet even angels go speechless
when things look like life is a bad dream

isn't LDR a contradiction of feelings
that relationships are supposed to bring?
but I stop and think, yeah right you are!
even when you're together, it's exactly the same thing!

on days I can't dream...

I'm sorry I am discouraged
I'm sorry that I am blue
'can't get back the courage
to put my life back on cue

it's easier to be numb
ignore things, act dumb
i'm letting the days pass like nothing
and I know I will not reap anything

some days are like this, I know
when a smile is put on, for show
faith and hope they are set aside
they'll come back, my time, I bide

I can't dream because I'm sad
I can't dream, I feel bad
soon i hope dreams will come like rain in spring
my heart will be ready for the joy it will bring

the strands ...when they snap

The strands that bind
when they do snap
they leave scars
make you feel like crap

Crap! the ugly words
said in dismay
the hurting words
that meant to slay

Slay the friendship
forget them chums
kill the fellowship
and be like bums

Bums, you will be
you won't ever be happy
Make peace, you will see
that's the only remedy

the song remains the same

roused from sleep
it is 5:00 am
there's a song in my head
can't find the lyrics, dang!

a soft melody
went on in loops
over and over and over
i wonder, what's the scoop?

the notes sound so familiar
yet i couldn't make out
seems as though so far away
coming from within, from without

i know this song in my head
from the past without a name
years and years may have gone
but the song remains the same...

My Black Leather Shoes

my black leather shoes

Coming to Thailand, I am not so sure
If a career for me here, is waiting;
I left a job back home, with hopes for the future
before my flight, I was beaming, yet crying.

The scene at the airport wasn't at all bad
'can't remember why I chose to fly alone;
My two boys saw me off , not exactly feeling glad
I know the next time to talk will be on the phone.

The wait for the "boarding" proved really boring
3 hours, is too long for check-in;
It took just half an hour to finish the checking
with the time left, I was bored and soon snoring.

There wasn't any big thing in the airport to see
But big planes and people with luggage;
The people that went in, carried almost nothing
Those that went out, were all with huge baggage.

The bodychecks seemed endless, 'knew it was pointless
to complain and tell them to hurry;
The scan machines worked well, when I passed, 'heard no bell
I smiled with pride but deep inside, felt funny.

I dozed on and off at the lounge, then awakened
The loud speaker sounded, people listened;
"Boarding has started", the voice said with pride
"KU Flight 412" hey! that's my ride!!!!

At the last x-ray hub, the Lady Guard gave me a nod
So I passed under the arch confidently;
Alas when I stepped through, darn! the red light shone too
I was led aside, I followed ashamedly.

They asked me to draw out the contents of my pocket
No metal, no bomb, no scare ;
Then she said,"Take off your shoes,please" with a smirk and a glare
When I did, I passed without a care.

I wondered what was there, in my shoes that rang the bell
Could there be metal, or bomb, or what not?
In the plane I kept thinking, about that previous happening
Still no answers, to think further, I cannot....

When my black leather shoes gets worn out with use
I will take it apart and examine
Until then I won't know, why my shoes gave a show
"Hush Puppies@" , I'll send you a warning

Careless Whispers, Clever Whispers

On days when I am thinking what to teach,
I can't help but sometimes panic,
When I need lessons that 8-11 year old minds can reach,
Comprehension and application they should mix.

Times like these when I feel so drained,
And ideas are elusive, they wouldn't flow,
On the Net I'd search till my eyes pained,
There are lucky days when with one click, they'd show.

I wonder if I am on the right track?
The lessons, do I teach them with tact?
It is such a task to teach an English concept,
A game must come with it, showing the subject.

Teaching vocabulary words, one day I was set,
For better recall, a set of words, will be best bet,
Words that go together, those commonly met,
In the classroom, from their schoolbags, they can get.

I asked the class to bring out each item I will say,
Before long, we have some 10 items on display,
a ruler, eraser, notebook, book and paper,
crayons, scissors, pencil, glue and sharpener.

For about three more rounds I soon got everything done,
The names of the ten items, in English, I called out one by one,
I went slowly and clearly, emphasizing the sounds,
I hoped they retain it, even after they're homeward bound.

Recognition of words and objects, the first task now complete,
Application should now follow, before the interest depletes,
Attention span is short, any teacher will get annoyed,
A chance for them to lose it, that's what I must avoid.

I called on ten boys, in front of the class I made them stand,
While the items on a table I carefully aligned,
The table on the far end, the boys in line on the other,
I need them close to me, so it will be easy to whisper.

To the first boy, I whispered, the name of the object in English,
He whispered it to the next boy, then passed to the next, till they finished,
The tenth boy ran to the table, where all the objects lay,
Pick up the item whispered, hand in to teacher, that's the play!

The last boy is the first to run , after that he'll stand first in line,
The same routine done all over, it was great, it was fun!
Ten times they did all over, until all items are done,
The goal is to pick up the correct item, never mind the time.

The game went on though most of the time you can hear giggles.
As they whispered to another's ear, of course it got them tickled!
After all ten items were retrieved, it is now time to check
To find out how many the ten boys got correct.

In the first few rounds, scores were low, I was upset,
Poor recall, it just showed, I failed on my target.
In the last few rounds, results changed, scores were climbing up,
I said, "good work!, I am glad!"The lesson, now they're picking up.

Finally at the end of the period ,the whispering game ended
To wrap up I called "One last round" , they all relented
From the class, I chose the group that performed the best
Their memory I wanted to refresh and to test.

Amused, I looked on and again I whispered,
Still happy at how they have so far managed
Alas!!! to my dismay, a whiff I have heard,
a clever boy, was whispering the words in Thai language!!!!

The Bored Camper

As a youth, though a scout, I never liked camping,
I don't like hiking and outdoor sleeping,
Walking long distances, I have always been lazy,
To sit down and read books, for me is a lot easy. Image

"We will go camping", the Head Teacher, one day announced,
I told myself "No way! in your life, not a chance!"
I imagined a wide clearing, a grass bed and a tent,
Oh no, I won't go, I would rather be absent.

But it turned out that an indoor camp it will be,
No tents, no bonfires, just a "mock camp in the city"Image
There will be a scoutmaster, coz there has to be an emcee,
To keep the scouts entertained, and not at all grumpy.

On the day of the camp, everyone was excited
In scout uniforms, the students all lined up and waited,
One by one the teachers started to come in, I see
All of them in scout clothes, something nice, but nothing fancy.

The male teachers when they walked in, I couldn't help but smile,
Just like the scoutmaster, they all wore khaki attire in style,
Khaki shorts and shirts, a kerchief, a glossy buckle,
Brown shoes, knee-length socks, complete with a tassle.

The Scoutmaster was hefty, a good five foot eleven,
a protruding big tummy, he was round all over, even.
"Vitthaya Khun" with a thundering voice, he laughs with a roar,
When he delivers a joke, the whole house is in uproar.Image

As nighttime fell the scouts started getting all ready,
A campfire that night, an excitement, it proved to be,
I was myself expectant, not sure what I will see,
The way the scouts were happy, I hoped it will be wacky!

First order of the night, 15 boy scouts in fire-lighting ceremony,
Bare-topped, wearing shorts, torch in hand, trotted in glee,
They danced around a pile of wood, in the center like a teepee,
They "lit it up" though in reality, the light was from a battery.Image

No way for a real bonfire, there's a net roofing overhead,
Lest a stray piece of ember might get all of us burned,
The effect was as good though, it looked real enough and smart,
That's better than to burn and leave everything charred.

Twelve pretty young girls in their flower ceremony stint,
Dressed in long sleeves, wrap-around skirts in bright-colored prints,
They danced around the "bonfire" hands and fingers in a curl,
I could never bend my fingers like they did, like a twirl.

I waited for some more sights, hoping to see a lot more,
Coz as the night wore on, it started to be such a bore,
Not because they were boring, don't misunderstand on that score,
I just wished I know Thai language, that would have made me enjoy more.

The rest of the numbers breezed through like a silent pantomime,
'Cause I shut the words out, and concentrated on the time,
My thoughts drifted, 'felt there's something, I cannot understand,
A feeling that I was tired, was it the sight? or the sound?

I realized that since the camp started early that morning,
'been hearing the loud tom-tom drums in my head they're pounding,
I know I had enough, 'can't stay on, I'd have migraine,
Another hour and surely, I will be in bed and in pain.

There's something about the camp that I'd like to commend though,
A display of discipline, obedience and cooperation they showed,
Lining up was never a problem, everything smooth, everything well,
For meals, for baths, or taps, at the the sound of a whistle.

Oh well, the night ended, I gave a sigh of relief,
I looked at my watch, past midnight! I stared in disbelief,
I am sure I don't want to sleep over in the camp,
I don't want to miss my bed, and the soft bedside lamp. Image

But then I wonder is there a better choice?
Stay in the camp or listen to my conscience's voice?
midnight... dark street... I'd rather miss the bedlamp
That's better than meet on my way a Thai bogeyman or a vampImage.

A Flight ....A Sight

In this life we can get at least achance,
to be a novice in one circumstance,
an inflight experience, not everyone can have,
some have lived and died without seeing a launchpad.

Many will say they have a fear of flying,
An excuse? an escape? 'no means of knowing,
Some claim they get jitters just thinking of "flight",
Others just say they couldn't get over their flight fright.

In my case I believe, it was a very old mind set,
That you put your life at risk, if you did ride a jet,
But if this is really true, there won't be any airlines,
No airports, no stewards, no pilots, no groundcrewmen.

I've always imagined what it's like to be in an aircraft,
All secured, all covered, in the air, yet there's no draft,
Would it really make you want to grab a life jacket,
Once the plane starts dropping into lots of air pockets.

When I took what I thought was a once in a lifetime chance,
I felt excited, yet scared, as I watched the plane from a distance,
So BIG....enormous.....so wide....like a giant creature,
My imaginations took me far, I thought I saw there a vulture.

The inflight instructions they flashed on the monitor,
entertained me for a moment, it talked of gadgets galore,
Then a steward stood in front and spoke with much candor,
The instructions came to life, like a movie in full color!

I'm aware it was going to be a short, three-hour flight,
'have a new, fresh experience, in there, I knew I might,
It was good I was given a nice window seat,
When I looked out my window, 'saw the plane's wing, now that's not neat!ImageImage

The flight was at nighttime, 11 pm to be exact,
The passengers were sleepy, perhaps hungry--need a snack,
When the plane taxied away far out to the runway,
What a sight! around the runway a sequined red blanket lay.

At a few hundred meters above the ground I could feel,
The plane wasn't moving, like a statue that stood still,
It felt tilted at an angle, somehow I felt I was falling,
When I looked around me I saw, almost everyone was yawning.

When the plane, I soon felt, started flying steadily,
I looked out again anticipating, my heart was all ready,
My eyes wanted to see what I have always read in books,
I want to see and experience just how grand and good it looks.

The view from above was breathtaking, the proverbial "blanket" I saw,
A blanket of cloud was spread wide, as seen from my window,
My seatmate commented," 'you can see the blanket in the night????"
I replied, "It is there! Don't you feel your blanket when lights aren't bright?"

The food served wasn't at all bad, I was hungry and starved,
So whatever food they'd give me, I'm sure will be devoured,
Today I am reminded to look up a word I met,
I wonder just what in the world, did it mean "vinaigrette"?

After the meals, the time left, everyone can use exclusive,
Watch TV, read the papers, if sleep is elusive,
For me I used that time to compose/ record in my mind,
A poem, a scene, or a story, when I find a chance, I will rewind.

My first inflight experience, wasn't so bad, it was comfy,
Although a little cramped, in the plane it still was cozy,
One peep at business class, it's a lot cozy but yes, costly,
I wish someday, next time around, I won't have to fly ECONOMY!Image